Free

Some of you have noticed me talking 'different'. This isn't different. This isn't unusual. This is who I am. Most of you know me as who I am at school.
This is what I'm like when I'm free. Nothing holding me back. No drugs keeping me down.
As an example, a transcript of a MSN convo I had today.

Ashm
if you could find out the date of your death, would you want to know?

*person*
I wouldn't want to know the date

Ashm
yeah, neither

*person*
I'd want to know how I died

Ashm
really?

Ashm
I'd prefer not knowing anything about it

*person*
nah, is'd be great

Ashm
otherwise you'd be so paranoid for the rest of your life

*person*
you'd be imortal up until then

*person*
nuh uh!

Ashm
no you wouldn't

*person*
I'd go the other way with it

Ashm
what, if you knew you were going to be killed by falling from a building, you go to more tall buildings?

*person*
I wouldn't be paranoid

*person*
lol

Ashm
I would

Ashm
it'd be crazy

*person*
actually, I wouldn't mind knowing the date either

Ashm
really?

Ashm
my reasoning was, I don't know it now, and life is fine the way it is, knowing it wouldn't make much of a good difference

*person*
I could totally be like 'I aint gonna die today'

Ashm
i'd prolly go crazy, doing all the stuff I wanted to do

Ashm
but it wouldn't be as good

Ashm
cos i'd start panicking

Ashm
I mean, I'm not afraid of it, but knowing when it is, would suck

Ashm
especially if you found out, and it was soon

*person*
Is this Ashm talking?

Ashm
yeah

*person*
or nay

Ashm
why?

*person*
really?

Ashm
yeah

*person*
You're talking different

*person*
lol

Ashm
lol, i dunno

Ashm
i found this on the pit

Ashm
and it got me thinking

*person*
I see


name left out 'cos I can


This is what I'm actually like. This is who pretty much none of you know. This is me free, as myself.
There are things I don't want to be free of. Some people I don't want to be free of.
Sometimes, you need someone to hold you back.